Now that Marvel has lost Spider-man to SONY, and Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans have resigned, who exactly is going to be in the next Avengers movie? We have no idea. BUT, we do know which real comic book Avengers we hope DON’T end up in the movies:
Leather Boy - A BDSM enthusiast who accidentally joined a semi-sanctioned Avengers offshoot. Avengers movies are all about action and snappy dialogue: Leather Boy has no powers and wears a ball-gag. All the time. No thanks.
Rage - Toxic waste turned a 13 year-old “urban youth” into Rage, an “urban hulk” with anger issues and a penchant for leather vests and wrestling masks. Imagine Luke Cage with the emotional maturity of a 6th grader.
Tigra - Started out as a human wearing a cat costume and eventually became some sort of bikini-clad were-cat. Sort of a cat…woman. Original.
Starfox - Thanos’ hot brother whose superpower is making people, well, horny. Accused of sexual assault (shocking), he was defended in court by She-Hulk, who he’d maybe used his powers on while in the Avengers. Not a good hero choice in post #MeToo America.
Jocasta - - A sexy robot built by Ultron to be his lover, who ends up falling in love with The Vision. Oops. She was named after the mother of Oedipus. Wonder if Ultron poked his own eyes out over her?
Black Knight - Sort of a British Captain American, he’s sworn to uphold the legacy of Medieval England. Except, he’s American. WTF? (Wait…they cast who? Never mind…)
Captain Universe - A nearly omnipotent being who only advanced to the rank of Captain? Is it because she often takes the form of a female? Sexist!
The Fantastic Four - Please, NOT another bad FF movie! Anything but that!